Autumn: SAD and Perfect

It's approaching that time a year again - simultaneously my favorite and my most dreaded.

I fall in love with autumn again every year. The crisp air, the cozy blankets and scarves, the delightful plaid. Pumpkin, salted caramel, apple. Candles and hot tea and a good book. The world is starting to get tucked away for winter but still has some life in it.

It's a time I eagerly anticipate, waiting until I can finally pull out my favorite sweaters. I could spend all day crunching through the leaves covering the ground as the golds and reds color the world around me.

Yet with that comes an all too familiar anxiety. As the joys of fall creep in, the slow creeping onset of seasonal affective disorder - or appropriately, SAD - darkens the edges of my vision. I start to feel the weight on my chest more often. I admire the seemingly perfect creation around me while my mind starts to race.

I need this. I need to create something beautiful. I need to show how utterly perfect and beautiful everything it is.

The closer the days march towards the dark of winter, the louder that voice becomes. The more desperate  I feel to cultivate the Instagram worthy aesthetic promoted by so many hashtags. I start to wonder if what I am and what I have to offer is enough.

Enough for who? I'm not sure. I just know that enough is what I need to be.